Life of Regret.

If you can't get someone off your mind, maybe that person person is supposed to be there. Remember: "The brain can recognize what the heart is trying to deny."


24th July 2010.


It's been more than 5 months, and I still wake up every morning & every night thinking about you.
I still love you, hun buns. 
You will never be just somebody that I used to know.


I don't know how to fall out of love, but I do know how to live a life of regret
... and I'm ready for it. 


Time heals everything, you said. I'd be happy if it works for you because you deserve it. Except, I hate your foul play.
I hope you're still respecting me- my faith.


Bullshit to love. I do not love anymore.
The only love I know, will know, and will recognize & acknowledge is the love for & from my family.


I used to know, to feel, a love so pure and perfect- so untainted-
... and it was forced to be destroyed. I was forced to destroy it, to let it go.
Because of all you motherfuckers in the world living your life with your almighty social conventions and fucked up ideologies.


Don't wanna conform? Just separate yourself from society. I know, I thought about it. But society is everywhere, no? Then how?
"Easy", said the knife.


1. 2. 4. 5. 6. 18.
Scratches? Stop falling down, you idiot.


"Good things happen to those who wait."
It's the same as saying:
"Just live your life of regret, eventually you'll die and find yourself in a much happier place where you don't have to worry about this anymore."


If love comes my way, watch me let it go by. 
Watch me kill my emotions.
Watch me.


Watch me keep it all to myself, watch me handle things on my own.
Watch me get over this, watch me. 


God, if you're out there, it's time to save me please.


I will get over it; I need to get over it; 100% over it.
Because I need to keep you in my life. I need things to not be awkward between us, never ever. So that I can still see you. Irony? Commitment- last act of love.


1. Kill my emotions- every single drop of it.
2. Never love again.
3. Watch you be happy.
4. Still keep you in my life.
5. Life of regret.
6. Worth it.


The trade-off between innocence and maturity is essential, but painful.


I will behave in the most awkward way possible such that love will say, "I cannot reside in you, you're a lost cause and no one deserves you."

I will make the next one realize that I can only give something so broken and shattered that the pieces will be left, and I'll say thank you for trying anyway.


Family, you did this to me. Yet, you're the only one I have left now.


Justin, Kathy, Ozzy, Elnathan. Thank you.
You've played your role amazingly in my life- 
but there's nothing more you can do.


A life of regret,
I welcome you.


I will enjoy solitude for the price of keeping you in my life. It is not a bad thing, I've come to accept it.

Watch me.